Shadow

Forgive me but this is very hard to write, even for someone who's lost human loved ones and made the most difficult decision one can make three times. I almost didn't bring him back from the vet today.
I'll back up and tell you that everyone who's ever met this cat and spent any time with him all say the same thing...that he's the smartest and best behaved cat they've seen...more personality than any 3 put together. When he was young, I could get him to chase me around the house just playing. I used to throw a tennis ball to the landing of the top of the stairs and he'd go up and knock it down to me, then wait until I threw it again. I taught him not to lick around me (I know but it's a peeve of mine, no pet intended). He still starts to and then sees me near him, and I'll give him that look and he'll go somewhere else and lick. I used to play rough with him, and he'd give it back in spades. He'd rear up on his hind legs and howl at you the more you cuffed him around; and if you weren't quick and careful, he'd take a piece out of you...the sharpest teeth I've ever seen. If in playing with you things weren't fair and he wasn't getting his licks in and you walked away, he'd run up behind you and bite you in the ankles. He'll give you kisses if you ask him, even though most of his young life he was very independent and didn't care about attention. You knew when you talked to him that he was listening, and always meowed when you asked if he was a good boy.
Shadow turned 17 in May. He's been my best friend for those 17 years, through a lot of very difficult times. The vet said today that what I thought to be a cateract in his eye is actually a tumor but that it may not be a problem. While she's saying that she's examining his abdomen, where she found a large tumor in his bladder...nothing to be done there. She immediately recommended he be put down. Even though I sensed it coming when I arrived, the big old Zebster blubbered like a boy. She asked how his appetite was and whether he was drinking. I said that he was. So we decided that next Wednesday would not be too long to wait, to give everyone a chance to say goodbye, plus that's my next day off that they can do it.
I should tell you why I took him in. He's just been sick lately...throwing up on a regular basis, sometimes not for a few days but sometimes more than once a day. He weighed in at 9 pounds this morning, down about 3 from recent years and 6 when he was younger. You can't tell from the pic but he's long and big cat. His hips have been arthritic for the last couple of years; there's what I thought was a cateract, and within the last few days he's been having problems peeing. He'd go once and pee just a little, then walk around kind of crying and then try again. I knew he was old and wasn't going to be with us forever, and I wasn't going to be that kind of pet owner that spends tons of money trying to save an old animal; but since he's been sick, I just wanted to assure myself that he didn't have something that could be easily rectified.
Well, this has been cathartic actually, remembering the many good years we've had. Expect a blubber post next Wednesday.
Check out Shel's Place soon for a surprise.